LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local commuters are praying that everything will be OK as a group of teenagers enter their third hour of loudly playing classical music on a portable speaker.
Since music has been available on phones, teenagers and people as smart as a teenager have taken up the practice of playing their music on the train at a level loud enough that everyone else can fucking hear it.
However, the music played by the majority of these audio-hoons is never anything good like the Beach Boys or Dune Rats but the sort of hip hop that makes you feel old by virtue of not having a guest chorus by Nate Dogg.
“Drilled rap [sic] is music that you get murdered to,” stated one A Current Affair reporter who chose to remain anonymous so their friends wouldn’t know what they did for work.
“It’s all about postcodes and all the places on the human bodies that don’t appreciate getting hit by a hammer.”
Crude assessments of drill rap aside, commuters on a Betoota Ponds line train would happily take back the odes to violence if it meant these damn teenagers would stop playing classical music like a deranged group of nihilistic droogs.
“I’ve tried to move to a different carriage but I can still hear it,” stated one commuter via a live hostage style call that really makes us feel like actual journalists for a change.
“They aren’t even talking over it, they’re enjoying it and waving their hands round in a mock conductor fashion. This is too much! What is wrong with kids these days?”
MORE TO COME.